We all have people we care for in life. Close friends, family, significant others etc… who we want to look out for, and maintain this close relationship with. And sometimes the best way to show them that we care for them is by helping them out, doesn’t matter if it is a big thing or a small thing. They will appreciate it regardless. Your friends, the people you love and care about, and you belong to a bigger context i.e your community. The wellness, prosperity and growth of your community is also your own growth and also contributes to a better atmosphere for the people you love.
Hence, it goes without saying that it is important to help the people within your social circle and the community to ensure a more positive outcome for everyone involved.
Here are some ways you can help out your friends and community, the people you most directly and frequently engage with -
1. Mutual Respect
The basis of friendship, and any relationship really but especially important in friendship, is mutual respect. Your friends, your peers, should always be treated as your equal. They are the ones that will be beside you in all the ups and downs you may face in life and challenges you will have to put up with. Your parents understand you the best at your youngest, and later too, but after a point of time that is usually around teenhood, where you seek to build your own personality and may have opinions that may not fully understand. And your life partner comes in later in life. But you have friends throughout your life, from kindergarten to the day you retire and even beyond that. And the best way you can help them is to treat them with respect and they will respect you in return. This mutual respect is not only admirable in friendships, but it will also strengthen your friendship because they would trust you to have their back and you would feel the same for them. Having such a friendship can be incredibly assuring, knowing you have a firm safety net to fall back on - a friend who will always look out for them and will always have their best interests in life. This is the best way you can help them.
2. Be Specific
You want to help your friend, you have the thoughtfulness and attitude for it. Great! What now? How are you actually supposed to help them?
You may offer to help them but they may be hesitant to take you up on it because they may not want to inconvenience you. In such a case, if you are not sure yet you go ahead and do something anyway, you may end up severely overstepping your boundaries. The best way to assure someone that you wish to be of help would be to be specific. Imagine a situation where your friend calls you and says their car broke down and they don’t know what to do. Asking how you can help will only overwhelm them further, as they are already in a situation where they may be stressed and not at their best thinking capacity. A better way would be to be specific, and instead, you should ask if you should call a tow service for them or if it would be okay if you came and picked them up. It would not only help them calm down a little, with their option narrowed down to two, but they would also appreciate not having to figure it out all on their own and that they can rely on you.
3. Small Gestures
We may make the prospect of helping our friends into a ‘thing’ in our head, may make it more elaborate than it needs to be. But remind yourself the motive behind it, what our aim is. It is not to make it apparent to them that you are helpful, or something that tips their opinion in your favour. If they are your friends, chances are they already think favourably of you. No, the aim is to assure them you are there for them, you have their back, in the gentlest way possible. And small gestures and simple thoughtfulness and genuine consideration go a long way in doing just that. A simple reminder that you are proud of them, or that you admire the kind of person they are. Asking about their pet if they have one. Offer to help them if they’re moving. Remind them to drink water if you know they are someone who often forgets to hydrate themselves. It is honestly the small things that others don’t notice, but those who care do, that makes a world of a difference.
4. Listen to them.
Sometimes all the help someone needs is for someone to hear them out. If there is something bothering your friend or some trouble they may be struggling with, be a person they can vent to. It may seem like you have to help fix the problem somehow, or give them advice, or provide guidance. Which is natural, you are their friend and you want the best for them, you don’t want them to have to face anything that stresses them out. But you don’t have to do that, that is not what they need from you, and you also run the risk of giving out the wrong advice, or even making the situation worse. The best way to help them, the way to help that will actually benefit them, is to hear them out. You may feel that it is too passive and you should be doing something to make it better instead, but that is not your place. They should be in control of their life and they should be the ones making decisions that affect them. When you hear them out, when you give them a space to unload what they have been thinking and what actually the situation is, not only will you understand the situation better, but they will too. It will also be a good exercise for them to organise their thoughts. And even if you cannot find a solution via discussion, them simply sharing what they have been anxious about and having another person listen patiently, can validate their plight and feel incredibly cathartic.
5. No Judgement
The biggest factor that can set friendship apart from the other relationships in life is quite possibly the fact that we can share anything with our friends. They are possibly the people most alike to us in terms of the way they think. Which mean they are most likely to open up to us when they are facing something they may not be able to share with someone else, and vice versa. This is kind of an extension to the previous point, but even more important. Be a safe space for them, and let them be able to speak to you without the fear of judgement. It might be our instinct to react to something someone says, but try and hold on to your reaction until you have finished listening to all that they have to say. Make them feel understood. And there will be times when they will be in the wrong because everyone is human and everybody makes mistakes. When they are in the wrong, they might feel vulnerable while opening up to you and if they are aware they are in the wrong they may even anticipate you judging them. It is your responsibility to make sure they understand that even if they are in the wrong, you are still their friend and on their side, and you believe they can improve from it as long as they realise it. This form of unwavering support is something they will surely appreciate.
6. Clean up the places around you.
The best way you could help the community around you is by cleaning up. Probably the most popular form of community service, cleaning up your neighbourhood is more help than you might assume it to be... By providing a clean neighbourhood and tidy surroundings, you help brighten the mood of the people as well. Nobody wants to see dog-poop or trash flying about on the streets as they start their day on the way to work. OR have to dodge icky things on the road on their way back home after a long day. If the surroundings are neat and clean, it is sure to bring around an uplifted mood in those that stay there. Cleaning up also dissuades future litterers, as littering a clean place will not only make them feel guilty but also make it very obvious they were the ones to litter. And once you start cleaning, there is a high chance others may join you, inspired by your initiative.
7. Socialising with your neighbours.
Encourage socialisation with your neighbours. Not just socialisation with you, but amongst each other as well. What this does is, create a network and strengthen the community. And a strong network means more support in carrying out other activities for the welfare and improvement of the community. It also ensures things move smoothly as you can delegate tasks to multiple people, and takes off the pressure from people to fulfil responsibilities by themselves.
8. Don’t be hesitant to run small errands.
Your neighbours and fellow community people may reach out to you sometimes if they need help. Make it a point to try your best to help them if this happens. Take it in your stride, as they would not have asked if they did not feel you were reliable and trustworthy. It may take up a little bit of your time and maybe some effort, but your little help could have helped them immensely. You babysitting your neighbour’s child could have enabled them to attend a meeting that was very important for them and a promotion in their career that they could achieve only because they were worry-free knowing their child was in good company, or your other neighbour asked you to take their dog out for a walk that gave them a small amount of time for themselves in the middle of a very stressful week. Sometimes you don’t even have to wait for them to ask! You see the nice lady living next door struggling to carry her groceries in from the car, offer to help. You see the kids of a neighbour trying to cross the road, help them across. Offer to mow the lawn of that gentlemanly neighbour who reminds you of your grandfather. It is all a way to help the community, even if small.
9. Spread Awareness
This is less about the neighbourhood kind of community and more of a cultural identity kind of community. Living in the world we do today, there are a lot of cultures mingling and coming across someone whose culture you may not be familiar with is more likely than ever. And something that may be considered normal in our culture could be considered offensive in another, and the same way around. The onus of making people aware of our culture, our community, and our people then rests on us. It is our efforts that make the difference in the way we and people like us are perceived. So we should try our best to spread awareness about our community, and make our identity known. This is how others will be cognizant of our existence and make an effort to understand us, giving us a chance to assimilate in the greater context.
10. Invest in your community
The biggest goal we could have regarding our community is the improvement of it, as our community is a part of our identity and a flourishing community shapes into a flourishing us. So invest in the betterment of your community, invest your time, invest your money, invest your knowledge or invest your effort. Doesn’t matter as long as your contribution goes towards the betterment of those in your community. Organise vocational courses for the youngsters, competitions that encourage children to creativity in the form of novels, poetry and art, encourage the adults to find something that makes them happy - be it gardening or hosting barbeques. Shop local. Try and collect funds to grant education to those that cannot afford it. Their growth is also growth.
It is not about making big changes, it is about making changes at all. Similarly, it is not about helping in ways that make people stop and think about it, sometimes it is about people looking back and thinking “that was nice of them to do that”.
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- The Indiaparenting Team
